I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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