puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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