i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
