No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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