did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
try to milk me bitch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
