You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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