I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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