i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
