Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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