Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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