A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
