Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
