Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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