I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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