Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
