508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
