first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
