Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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