U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are the jesus of drinking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
