you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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