Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
