just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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