someone threw a dead crab at me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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