Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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