Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
