I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
