Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
