she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
