I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
