kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
