Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
