Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
