I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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