I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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