Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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