my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
