mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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