You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
