Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
