This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I AM VODKA MAN
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
