I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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