i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
