Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
