Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
