you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
