it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
