Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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