If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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