people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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