You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
