theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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