I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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