my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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