fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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