please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
