I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
