I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
