I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
