I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
