I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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