Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
