New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
