It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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