is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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