i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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