Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
