Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
