we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
