after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
