You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
