What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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