i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
