My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
