the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
